Updated: Oct 15, 2019
3 important things I would share with moms-to-be
Kindred Space LA has become my haven. The mommy & baby group meets weekly at 6820 La Tijera Blvd #202, Los Angeles, CA 90045.
The facilitator of the group, Kimberly Durdin, asked us a question: “What advice would you give a mom-to-be?” The funniest part of the #mommies responses was that they were just variations of the same answer. Here we were, modern, independent women, and we all were in agreement about the stresses of #motherhood. There were several pearls I wish someone would have shared with me. I’ll share these 3 universal answers.
“Support Groups let a new mom know she’s not alone.”
1. A “support group”
I’m a very independent person by nature. My mom told me hundreds of stories about how I would leave to go to school or camp and not cry like most of the other children. I was excited about the new adventure. I could never have been prepared for this adventure. The undertaking of motherhood.
Support Groups let a new mom know she’s not alone. These women are at the exact same stage in their lives. There are worries that even our own moms can’t relate to, because they are 20 plus years removed from dealing with a #newborn, #breastfeeding, #teething, first colds, etc.
2. Forget the baby shower/ hire a cleaning person and a cook.
In movies & TV, and now social media, all you see are images of women celebrating the life of their new child. It becomes ingrained that it’s important to celebrate this milestone. While I enjoyed my #babyshower, I needed the most support after the baby was born. There was no time to do anything but care for my baby. I barely had time to grab a piece of fruit. My partner and mother were helpful and tried to make food for me. In retrospect, I would have passed on the money spent on the shower and hired a cook (or at least used one of those meal prepared services) and the cleaning person.
The baby may sleep 18-20 hours a day, but I was sadly mistaken to think I would be able to accomplish anything during those hours. I’m also a very detailed person so when I’d clean, I’d want to clean EVERYTHING. I had to say goodbye to a clean house. There were receiving blankets and pumping bottles everywhere. And forget about doing laundry..."oh, so naive..."
3. Be prepared for the strain on your relationship:
Acknowledge that even your partner won’t understand you. Your #partner loves the child as much as you do, but the protective nature of a mother is unparalleled. The mom is the one who gets the sleepless night, who worries about the feedings, etc. #Mom is on high alert. So as supportive as your partner will try to be, you won’t feel it’s enough. Don’t expect him (or her) to see things the way you do. Do express your concerns in a way your partner can receive the information. Your partner is on the journey with you, but you both have different experiences so forgive him (or her) for not understanding you. BUT do tell your partner you need help.